My reminiscence of the yesteryears...

growing apart~

2011-07-09T09:22:00.000-05:00

well.. yes it's been awhile.
Just felt like I had to come and vent.. I won't say I've been to busy.... just pre-occupied.. lol
As much as you want to see your kids thrive.. you have to be there at all times.. showing support, lending an ear, or just a shoulder to cry on.. you hate to see them fall.. yet sometimes you have to let it happen... without judgement.. my daughter who has been dating the same guy since she was 16 .. on both sides has decided to take a break.. she has just turned 21 on the 3rd of July.. it breaks my heart to see her so broken hearted.. I just wish she would see the potential she has.. she's a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart.. I won't say that she deserves better, because that would not be fair to him.. only saying that she deserves more.. being in a relationship is a two way street.. you can't just keep giving .. and giving.. while getting nothing in return.. one should always get back what one puts into a relationship...her heart is breaking...which in turns breaks my heart.. they're both young .. and both have so much life to live.. I guess you could say if it was meant to be .. it will come back.. but in the meantime I am hoping that maybe she can give someone else the chance to come into her life.. and maybe let her see what life can be.. like I said above.. I'm not saying she deserves better.. just saying she deserves more~ as parents we all want only the best for our children.. in the meantime.. I will be there for her.. now... and as long as forever lasts~

Kelly~

2010-01-16T15:13:00.000-06:00

In 1982 I found love...

1987 we sealed that love...

1990 my little girl was born...

1995 I was given my son...

2010 will be 23 years...

Throughout my life there has been some tears...

However, with the virtuous, you must also endure the wickedness.

I am grateful for all that I have in my life...

Blessed to be given the gift of being a mother, daughter, sister, friend and wife..

And to have that feeling of being needed and loved…Is a feeling that will forever be etched in my heart……..

Kelly~

Life goes on...

2009-12-06T14:14:00.000-06:00

As the holidays come upon us.. I can't help but to feel a little down. I am trying to stay in the "Christmas" spirit.. there are some days I still struggle..., but most days I'm ok... Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year.. and now it will be awhile before I feel that way again... I can't believe that she will be gone two years this month... seems like an eternity some days... and other days still like it was yesterday. My mind knows now that it's time to move on.. however, my heart still aches for her to be here.. At least now I am at the point... if I hear a song.. or hear something that she used to say.. or see someone doing some of the crazy things she did...it brings a smile to my face... all the memories that we shared are still very close to my heart.. there are days where I think...
I can still hear her.. see her... and feel her around...reason being, her children... her spirit lives on through them...
I hear her laughter in Rachel... see her smile and her eyes in her son Jimmy ....feel her energy in Amanda's zest for life..
It's weird that at times I will hear something or see something....I still think to myself .. I can't wait to call Kim and gossip...lol.. only to remember that she's gone....gone, but not forgotten.... I hope where-ever you are my sister.. that you are well ... and can see that your kids are doing ok.. I still miss you with all my heart... and I am thankful that your kids are close to me... so I can be reminded of just how much you meant to me...
Kelly~

an innocence gone...

2009-10-18T12:26:00.000-05:00

Our neighborhood has changed....in the last couple of weeks.. the laughter of children has been silenced... the once filled streets of children running and playing.. has come to sounds of parents calling out to their children... constantly looking over their shoulders... wondering where their children are.. you ask yourself why...this is all because of one man... a man who preys on children.. yes... a pedophile has moved into our neighborhood...

I will never understand why...why our children must suffer..why do they have to become captive in their own homes...their parents afraid to let them run and play.. why must their innocence be taken.. and their lives forever changed... why should they be punished for a crime they didn't commit... Why is it.. that someone like him is able to be free...according to the law.. he has served his time.. however, to the parents of these innocent children.. or more so to his victim... the child... there isn't a punishment severe enough nor a jail sentence long enough to ever bring back what he took away... the innocence of a child... I believe in cases like this... there shouldn't be second chances.. there shouldn't be excuses...like "he made a mistake" this is something that doesn't go away..this is something that will live in his sick little mind forever....

No child should ever have to live that... it sickens me to think.. that he is out there.. it sickens me even more knowing that he is right next door... it could happen ... this monster could easily take the innocence of a child.. again!!

Kelly~

The meaning...of words...

2009-10-04T10:12:00.000-05:00

Imagine life without love…. Love without passion…. Passion without desire…….. desire without appeal…… appeal without fascination….. Fascination without captivation……Captivation without enchantment…. Enchantment without magic… a life without love… is a life without meaning….

Now Imagine...

2009-07-27T15:15:00.000-05:00

Now Imagine…

Imagine looking in the mirror and you see a gray hair…feeling old or embarrassed you pull it out.
Now imagine waking up and finding your hair on your pillow due to treatment, after treatment of Chemo and radiation…
Imagine waking up and not feeling well…feeling sorry for yourself.
Now imagine being so sick, you cannot get out of bed and every bone in your body is non-functional…
Imagine yourself yelling, screaming, and being so mad at your kids….saying things you don’t mean.
Now imagine lying in a bed…so sick you can’t even hug them, feed them…or help them get ready for school…
Imagine you and your husband fighting over petty things.
Now imagine him tears held back…telling his children their mom is not going to make it….
Imagine fighting with someone calling them names…telling them you hate them.
Now imagine that loved one…gone… and wondering if they knew how much they meant to you…
Imagine complaining about how your breasts’ are now sagging.
Now imagine looking at yourself in a mirror and seeing scars of where your breasts’ used to be….
Just imagine what those women have gone through…and will go through…imagine what anyone with cancer is going through…praying everyday…just hoping they make it through another day....
So quit your moaning, groaning and complaining … Life is too short people… forgive and forget… take each day as it comes… be thankful that you’re alive…and able to do the things you love… just imagine how much worse your life could be…and be thankful for the life you have… so be kind to the ones you love…embrace life…live life….and enjoy your life… remembering that it can be taken from you in an instant… just a little reminder to myself and others that life is precious...

written by Kelly~

WTF....

2009-05-31T16:15:00.000-05:00

just me.. now really confused. Not sure of what to believe anymore.
Life goes on... I should know that ... I should feel that... I should live that....
some days are really bad.. some days are good... I should live that...
people go about their daily routines... people leave behind their daily needs... I should live that
sound confusing to you... I live that!!!
she would be upset with me holding on... I know that...
need to bring myself to reality... I know that...
she's gone... never coming back... I know that...
time to let go now.... I know that....
will never forget her... I know that...
boils down to.... I know I should live that!!!

darkness...

2009-04-10T20:17:00.000-05:00

I used to look forward to the darkness... a time for letting my mind and body rest. Now the darkness brings fear and worries ... my body will rest but my mind keeps going.
I lay awake at night and every thing that goes on during the day comes to haunt me at night.. my mind just races ... thoughts of the future, past and the present race through my head like a freight train.. slow but steady. I worry about things that I cannot change... and it angers me... my fears only come out at night... and it bothers me. I used to think that I was a pretty level headed person.. now I have doubts. I had a very strange dream the other night... it started out with a lot of people sitting in what looked like a living room...
a very big room... people talking amongst each other... across the room I saw my
sister... I could see her and I could hear her... it was so real. I was yelling
to her you're back... you're back... why are you not calling your family...
still screaming...Kim call your kids... they miss you .. they need you... still
nothing... although, I could see her and hear her...she couldn't see or hear me....I could hear her making plans.... I'm going somewhere with this person... we're going to go somewhere with that person... then I heard.... tomorrow I am meeting Brian for lunch...
now this kind of took my breath away... reason being Brian is our cousin who passed away several years ago... you freaking out yet?
I was....
I woke up with tears in my eyes.. but also with a sense of
relief... maybe this was her way of letting me know that she was fine ... that
everything would be okay... just a freaky dream??? maybe there is life after
death for those who have passed on.... who am I to question... kind of had to
laugh a bit... because she was still the same there as she was when she was
alive.... very, very talkative... I laid there for awhile... and decided to take
this as a sign....a good sign that maybe things will be ok....although, I still
miss her ... still wish with all my heart that she was still here... just having
a weepy kind of day... I have heard the old saying that if God brought you to
it... he will bring you through it... well, I'm still waiting...I'll be fine...
like I said above... just having a weepy kind of day...

just a life experience

2009-03-21T13:59:00.000-05:00

Some of you may have seen this already.. I was asked by Christina to share my story on her blog... it's something that I wrote and just wanted to post it on my blog as well...

My life…my life’s experiences.
As I sit and read some of the other stories…my eyes filled with tears.... In disbelief and in sadness of what others have gone through in their lives.. My life’s experiences are not so deep . I’m not saying that I have lived a charmed life… But I can honestly say that I do believe now I have lived a blessed life. We all have demons that we have fought in our lives.. We all have cobwebs buried deep down in our mind… however some thicker than others., I choose to keep my cobwebs buried… I have learned to deal with what has gone on in my past… and choose not to dwell… with only knowing that there is now nothing I can do to change it… my life now has taken on a whole different way of living…we all at times have been forced to travel down roads we do not wish to travel down.. These are life’s lessons.. . How we choose to ride it out is totally up to us…

as for my experiences…cancer is the one that has challenged our family the most…
Cancer has stricken my family three times.. I have lost an Aunt , my Uncle and now my sister… I lost my father at the age of 17, not to cancer though…but to complications of the way he lived his life… he was 41 when he passed away… he too died so young and still had so much to live for.. Although, I was devastated of the loss of my father… nothing could compare to how I felt when I lost my sister to cancer… I felt a part of my life had also died along with her.. As we grew in to adults, we learned to appreciate what we had with each other.. We still had our disagreements and our fights…but we also knew that we would always have each other to turn to…and that we would always be there for one another when needed… When she was first diagnosed …we were all in shock.. And thought that there was no way that God could be doing this again to our family… at least that was what I was hoping for…at first we thought she could beat this… we had heard of so many success stories about Breast Cancer and didn’t see any reason not to believe that she couldn’t over come this.. But as the months passed and she became sicker and sicker we knew that it would eventually take her life… I will be honest in telling you that before that I did not pay too much attention to any of the sites that offered support or asked for donations because it did not at that time affect my life… it was all around me .. I would hear of someone who had passed from cancer I would stop and pause for a moment say “oh how sad” and then continue on in my life.. Now I have a whole different attitude and have hit a higher level of respect for those who have taken the time out of their lives and who have struggled with this disease and chose not to be selfish, but to open their hearts and their lives to help others to raise awareness of this devastating disease…I admire both their strength and their courage… and am so thankful to those who are pushing forward to help make a difference and to give all those who have lost their lives a voice…and to give hope to others… so that someday we will all be able to live a life cancer free….your unselfishness, and your kindness shine through…and I personally thank you from the bottom of my heart…

cancer has most definitely changed our lives… and now I have to realize that the life I once lived is gone… and would now have to learn to live my life without my sister… a couple of months ago….I was sound asleep and was awakened by something… fear…maybe…felt kind of eerie…someone’s presence other than my own… almost a sense of someone being there with me in the room.. . The unknown..??? I woke up dripping in a cold sweat…felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest… almost in a panic…came to the realization for the first time since my sister passed….that my sister was dead and that she was never coming back… so many emotions… what an empty feeling I had inside …my breathing so heavy … my heart never so empty… for the first time.. I cried and cried hard.. not for her kids, or for my mom…but for myself… never in my life had I been more scared, or had felt so alone in my life… uncertain….worried…. And more so frightened…scared of what the future would bring… thinking to myself… do I want to Live In Fear Everyday… do I want to Defy Every Attempt To Heal… which you can see oddly enough spell out Life and Death… These are the thoughts that were going through my head…. I thought to myself… am I losing it… am I coming apart at the seams…am I crazy?? Come on now I am a 47 year old woman… why am I not able to get through this…I know death is a part of life… the two come hand in hand… you’re born… you live… and you die… why am I struggling with this…why can’t I accept that she is gone… and that I should be moving on in my life… but am having a hard time in doing this…I remember thinking …. reality check … life after death does go on… so what seemed like forever I finally stopped crying.. . Finally got myself calmed down… and thought… if I have to live everyday in fear… that’s ok.. Life is scary…I would much rather live in fear.. Than to die knowing I had never lived at all… and as for the part of defying every attempt to heal… came to realize that I am not defying it at all… I am taking each day as it comes…I am living each moment as it passes by… I know in my heart that with each day it will get easier… and finally ….know now that I am healing…she will always be in my heart… a sense of calmness came over me… and realized she came to me… in her own way…to reassure me and to let me know that everything will be ok…
Thank you Christina for letting me share a part of my life and my fears … you, Mary and Indigo, have inspired me in so many ways…and have helped me more than you’ll ever know…
Kelly~

Oh this and that...

2009-03-01T06:50:00.000-06:00

I just don't like the fact that you can't put the

picture where you want them...UGH...

ANYWAY....

You know it's been a long time since I have been sick... told myself I wasn't going to get it.... wrong... I got it alright and it was a doozy of a cold... I can't tell you the last time I have gotten a cold... my whole family was sick.. people I work with were sick.. so I guess they just all wanted to share..." rat bass turds"... but I feel so much better today.. so that's a good thing..

Can you believe it is already March... I am hoping better weather follows.. it's been cold here.. but I would rather have the cold than the snow...sleet.. rain or whatever Mother Nature decides to drop on us... just so tired of seeing such drab colors... I feel like when I look outside I am watching an old movie in black and white... can't wait to see some bright colors... like anticipating the opening of the door in The Wizard of Oz... LOL...

Well my daughter had some good news.. she has been working at a grocery store... and has been promoted to cashier.. she was all excited..I was excited for her.. she has only been there for a little while.. so that was an accomplishment..she starts training this week... she is hoping they will give her more hours too.. she is still uncertain about going back to school.. she has said she wants to...just doesn't know what for.. I told her she should for right now just go back and do her basics.. at least that's a start... so we shall see.. I know she will be OK... but it's still my job to keep trying to send her subliminal messages....LOL...

My son's trip to Washington D.C. was a good one.. he really took a lot of good pictures..(some are shown )... I was hoping that he would really get a better understanding about the history that he has seen... and hopefully gain more respect for what this country has done for us... there were so many things he saw there .. that was just packed with history.. but this I have to tell you is what he has retained in his memory...

Me...I asked him sooooo what did you see? What did you learn??? Were you impressed with what you learned...

My son... you know mom.. there is a lady that has been camped outside the White House for 20 something years.. protesting against Nuclear Weapons... she lives in a tent..that's all she does all day long... and she used to have a companion... who was homeless too... but he died...

Me...son, out of all the things that you have seen... and all the history you were shown... The Lincoln Memorial... The White House.. all The fallen Soldiers Memorials... The Holocaust Museum... and all you can retain in your memory... is about a homeless woman.... sheesh!!!! good to know that the money that was spent for this trip... was well used...LOL.. kids... so clueless sometimes with the opportunities they are given... well hopefully he remembers more than just that... I still had to laugh though.. it was quite funny... how amusing he thought it was...

well I hope you all enjoy your Sunday...

Kelly~

A.J. the newest addition to our family..

2009-02-21T11:09:00.000-06:00

Well it took awhile, but I finally received some pictures of A.J. that I have been waiting for ... from Christmas..

he is growing so fast and is such a cutie.. although, I don't get too much time to see him.. I am kept up to date with pictures thanks to face book.. I know once it gets warmer out we will see more of him... but here are some pictures of me holding him..

hope you all have a wonderful weekend...

Kelly~

you are an inspiration...

2009-02-17T07:37:00.001-06:00

I would like to award this to a couple of people who I think are truly an inspiration to those around them.

I am currently following two blogs of two women who are facing the wrath of cancer... I have often read their entries not commenting ... but am in awe of their strength..despite everything they are going through...they face this beast everyday and still show the world that there is hope... and that one day we can and will win the battle against breast cancer... the first one I would like to present this award to is Christina (http://uniboobclub.blogspot.com/)... I have been following her blog for a long time now.. she has truly been through so much in her life and has inspired so many people with her honesty and her courage.. although she was not given a choice in what has been dealt to her... she has grasped the reality of it all and has gave it her all... she in my eyes is an amazing woman... I pray that she beats this beast ...and with her determination.. I believe she can.. I present this award to you in your honor... the second one I would like to present this to is Sheri, (http://trustmeitsnothing.blogspot.com/) she has just gone through a double mastectomy and is questioning her strength and her courage.. .. Like she said ....she too was not given a choice.. and believes that she is not strong....only doing what she has to do in order to survive...no matter what the situation is... you are still an inspiration to all... there is more to a woman than just her breasts...to me what portrays you as a woman is what's in your heart... I do believe you do have courage...whether you believe it or not.. and no you were not given a choice.. but have been given the chance to live... reading her entries I can read her strength through her words... She too is an inspiration to others... writing about her ups and downs... and still has so much optimism... I can never imagine what these ladies are going through, nor can I imagine what goes through their minds... but I can say that I admire each one of them... for sharing their stories, their triumphs and their defeats... I present this award to you Shari... and hope and pray that you can become something that you are so worthy of... an amazing woman who can beat the wrath of cancer... be proud of who you are and what you represent... it does take courage and strength to pour your hearts out for everyone to see... I pray that you both... continue to stay strong... and beat this beast... my heart goes out to you and yours...

Kelly~

just a mom thing...

2009-02-16T10:01:00.000-06:00

Well it is Monday.. and my kids will be home today..
I would honestly have to say that I so enjoyed having my husband all to myself.. and it was so nice just spending time with him... We spent all of Saturday together, just doing things that I don't normally do... yes, it was his day... but I really did have fun... went ice fishing... didn't catch too much... froze my ass off...LOL...(well just a little bit) my husband is a big outdoors man... loves to fish, hunt and whatever else he is able to do outside... I like to fish... BUT, more so when it's warm out... LOL.... then we decided to go exploring in the woods... this was all done out at our campsite... I know it probably sounds boring to most of you... but I had fun... no worries... just totally enjoyed the afternoon... later that night we went to dinner... actually kind of nice picking where we wanted to go for a change.. not worrying if the kids liked "our" kind of food... and after that just went home and enjoyed the rest of the evening... he is my life... and I love our life...

Do I miss my kids??? Hell yes!!!! I have been texting with them... via cell phone.. thank god we have un-limited texting... would hate to have that bill...

I was so excited when I woke up yesterday morning and saw that I had a text message from my son... I thought to myself... Awww he does miss his mom...or he telling me he loves me... or is letting me know how much fun he is having... or maybe is just telling me hi.... well when I opened it up.... this is what I read... Mom, did you give my hamster some water....LMAO... so much for missing mom... and sharing his experience with me...
I love being a mom... and as much as I complain about having to pick up after them... or getting aggravated at their attitudes... they are my life, my heart and soul... and I wouldn't change a thing... and wouldn't give up any part of my life.. well OK...maybe the cleaning part.. I could live without... LOL.. I am happy that both my kids had a wonderful weekend... and I am so glad that my husband and I had some alone time... after tomorrow.... all hell breaks loose again...LOL.. but that's OK with me... wouldn't change a thing.. I love my family and I love my life...

take care until next time...
Kelly~

someone needs some prayers...

2009-02-13T06:23:00.000-06:00

Hi all..
please lets all say a little prayer for Sheri... she is going through breast cancer right now.. she needs all the best wishes we can send... so, lets all get together and give her our prayers.. prayers that she will beat this beast...
thinking of you and yours Sheri...

http://trustmeitsnothing.blogspot.com/

missing her...

2009-02-12T06:34:00.000-06:00

you are on my mind today...
I am silently wishing you a Happy Birthday.. on what "should" have been your 46th ... some say I should be moving on in my life.. I take each day as it comes. I hear people say that "it takes time" how much... still wondering...
I still see your smile... and I still hear your laughter.. I often think of things you said or did and find myself smiling.... or laughing out loud... I am hoping in time... that those things will never disappear... thinking of you more today... Rest in peace my sister...rest in peace..

shopping...

2009-01-31T13:25:00.001-06:00

Well, I took my son shopping today... ugh.. what a mistake that was... He is impossible when it comes to clothes.. drives me crazy. He will be 14 next week... (if he makes it that long, after today) LOL..
He is in the 8th grade and they are getting ready to go on a trip to Washington D.C... he is so excited about going. He will be gone for about 2 1/2 days... the things that he will see I think will leave a huge impact on him, but then again he is 13 and I'm thinking that he's a little bit more excited about going on a plane than anything else... me, I am a little freaked out about putting my son on a plane.. but to me this trip was a once in a life time experience, and thanks to grandma... he is able to go...
and to top things off... my daughter is going to Wisconsin Dells the same weekend... I KNOW...no kids for the whole weekend.. gee.. I wonder what my husband and I will do with no kids, Hmmm....
P-A-R-T-Y..... ; ) ..and wait...even better... it's the weekend of Valentine's day... I can't remember the last time that my husband and I were actually alone with no kids... wonder what we'll talk about... LOL.. well I hope you all have a wonderful weekend... take care~
Kelly~

just me..

2009-01-25T08:53:00.000-06:00

Good morning all....
I know I haven't been around in awhile.. well at least haven't written in awhile.. but I still do visit all of my favorite journals..
It's that time of the year again... time for my mammogram... have you all had yours? and yes .. I push this issue .. although, it's been awhile since my last one.. . I know... I know... shame on me.. I have made my appointment and plan on keeping it... don't wait.. until it's too late... go .. go now... I have included a link.. for those of you who are interested.. I am sure you have all seen it before... every time you click.. those who can't afford one.. are able to get free mammograms... so go ahead and click.... give someone that chance to live their life... I click on it every morning... you never know.. you may have saved someone's life...

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2&ThirdPartyClicks=ERB_012509_BCS

"Ride the train"

2009-01-04T17:36:00.000-06:00

This is something my mom sent to me via e-mail... I am hoping that you are able to click on the link below and see and hear the beauty of its words... just a reminder to take each day as it comes... and live each day to its fullest... time for me to move on... never forgetting... just continuing to live... so as it goes... easier said than done... takes time..

take care~
Kelly~

http://www.allright.com/Poems/TOLRailway/TOL.htm

remembering when...

2008-12-26T13:56:00.000-06:00

Christmas is supposed to be a holiday filled with laughter and cheer... not feeling it this year.
Just another day to me. I can't say that it was a horrible one.. just not a good one... with Kim not being there.. and then my brother not being able to come... double whammy. I can't remember the last time that we were not all together for Christmas Eve... sure as hell... just wasn't the same...Baby Anthony is a blessing.... and what a beautiful baby he is... I have pictures...and as soon as I able I will post them.... and I am also thankful that I had my niece and my nephew on Christmas day... a part of Kim... is something I needed...

I guess you could say that I am...
just feeling a bit nostalgic today... and thinking back on other holidays... remembering...when my kids were smaller... now that my kids are getting older... my husband even commented on how it just doesn't feel like Christmas now that kids are no longer little. ... not that they are old.. but just not as fun as when they were little.... their innocence... and how their eyes would light up...driving around looking at all the decorations... and preparation for Santa's arrival... the hiding of the gifts... making sure they didn't see what "Santa" had bought for them... the cookies and milk...that waited for Santa's arrival... and me with the staying up until midnight or longer .... wrapping each and every gift with care...buying simple things that brought smiles to their faces... my son waking me up at 4:00 in the morning... letting me know that Santa had arrived... and when was I planning on getting out of bed.... remembering past Christmas' with my daughter and her fetish with Barbie dolls and having everything imaginable that barbie owned... my son with his dinosaur infatuation that went on for years... I swear that kid was going to turn into one... he had so many dinosaurs and so much dinosaur paraphernalia... and then.... THEY GREW UP... and now want phones, Ipod's, WII game systems... things that are so technical that they come with a 4 page instruction booklet... LOL... just to open the packages... and God forbid you buy them something to wear from Walmart... what was I thinking...LOL...I myself, love Walmart... oh.... what happened to the simple days... I keep telling them wait until they get old and have kids of their own... then they will see the frustration we sometimes go through now... my husband and myself always joke with them... and tell them when they get houses of their own... we're coming over to jump on their furniture, write on their walls... break things... leave empty boxes of food in their cabinets and empty milk jugs lying around... and then swear up and down it wasn't us... LOL...
Well hope all of you had a blessed holiday... and hope Santa was good to everyone... until next time... take care...

The "mourning" after....

2008-12-19T18:51:00.000-06:00

December 26th, 2007 you were called home...to a place where your spirit is free to roam...
Our hearts are still mending.... our minds still on you...
Only wishing that you were still here... in what was once the place you called "your" home...
I have my good days... and still some bad...
With everyday... thoughts of you still live...and I'll always cherish each moment of you I had....
There are days....that seem so real...
although, I know are only in my mind....thinking I can still hear you...or see you ... or more so still feel you...as I continue to heal....
Still not ready to let you go... your memories are still so deep in my heart...
And with those I know we shall never part...
My only comfort is knowing that you are no longer in pain...
I miss you... I love you...and believe in my heart we will see you again...

As the one year anniversary of your passing draws near....
We all find comfort knowing that your heart and your spirit are both still here...
This time last year the memories still so clear...
and still this Christmas we'll shed more tears...
We still miss you.... still long for you so much to be here...
We take each day as it comes ... in stride...
hoping that the " mourning " after ... will someday subside....

Miss you my sister, with all my heart...
In loving memory.... Kim M. Hrdina... 12/26/2007

I'm baaaccckkk!!!

2008-12-13T08:06:00.000-06:00

so...as the saga continues...LOL...
well as you can see my computer is back up and running... for how long??? unknown...
You know that old saying... good things happen to those who wait.... WELL...I'm WAAAITING...... first my computer crashes... then just before Thanksgiving... my oven totally goes out... so ching$ ching$... then my water bed decides to spring a leak...ON THANKSGIVING MORNING.....UGH... soaking the carpet... thankfully it was kind of a decent day...and we were able to drain the rest of the water... but unfortunately, we lost the carpet... that had to be ripped up...more $$$ out the door... but on the brighter side of things... remember the story about the "paint job" well... not only did I get the bathroom re-painted... also got a new paint job in my bedroom... whooo hooo.... I was planning on re-doing my whole bedroom/bathroom anyway... BUT NOT NOW...didn't want to start until next year sometime... With Christmas just around the corner... didn't really have the extra money... OK... done with the pity party...LOL... everything is OK now ... just another bump in the road... my husband... always looking on the brighter side of things... said it could have been worse... I could have been sleeping when the bed sprung a leak... and drowned...LOL...(funny man) which honestly did make me laugh... so true... Just seemed like everything was going wrong at once.... mine are very minuscule compared to others... so moving on... like my mom always says... "things always have a way of working out" and in time they usually do...take care for now...
Kelly~

oh...no...

2008-11-25T12:55:00.000-06:00

just to let you know that my computer at home has crashed... it may be awhile until I get to post another entry... I am actually at work and sneaking this entry... I just wanted to let you know in case you're wondering if I have disappeared or not...

I tried to fix the computer... but had no luck... a virus has gotten to it... and has really messed it up... I am going to see if it's fixable or if we will need a new one... so....

I just wanted to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.... hopefully I will be back on soon... hope I don't go through withdrawals.... LOL....

take care all...
Kelly~

Real Blogs/ Real People

2008-11-22T14:06:00.000-06:00

First of all... thank you to Trish who has passed this award on to me... I am honored... thank you ..

I sure hope i can do this right... LOL... only got good at adding pictures.. not sure on doing the links... but here goes nothing...

as said above this award was passed on to me... from Trish... she has been a huge help to me in dealing with the loss of my sister... she (Trish) knows what Kim went through... she herself went through the whole ordeal of having Breast cancer... and is a cancer survivor... http://my-breast-cancer-story.blogspot.com/ thank you Trish...for thinking of me... and thank you for being a warm and kind person...
so now I guess it's my turn to pass this great honor on... soooo lets see... well one name comes to mind... Jamie... she is a kind and caring person and has become a very important part of my life... she has her own tragedy going on but always seems to have the time for me... thank you Jamie for just being who you are... a beautiful person with a beautiful heart... http://ldybutterfly1128.blogspot.com/

and now on to someone else who I think deserves this honor... Terri ... http://memoriesandsweetserenity.blogspot.com/ she has a huge heart... and I love reading her entries... she has helped me tremendously.... not only with her great personality...but with her computer savvy ways... I owe my journal appearance to her... she helped me to get it started... thanks... for being such a good person...

so now I hope I have done this right... and here are the rules for passing it along...
1. Please put the logo on your journal - Real Blogs/Real People.2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award.3. Nominate as many as you want (2-10, with 7 being ideal).4. Put the links of those on your journal.5. Leave a comment on their journal to let them know.6. Put the award on your sidebar, if you want.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend... and HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL....

just rambling on...

2008-11-14T21:10:00.000-06:00

Love the smell of fresh cut grass... hate to cut it...
Love the look of planted flowers... hate to plant them...
Love when my house is all neat and tidy... hate all the work to get it that way...
Love the fact I have someone to grow old with... hate the growing old part...
Love to wake up in the morning knowing I'm still alive... hate the fact I have to waste the day going to work....
Love knowing my children are growing up... hate the fact that I am not needed as much....
Love my mom with all my heart and soul... hate knowing that she'll be gone one day...
Love the fact that I know I am loved... hate when I hurt the ones I love...

Take the time to live, love and laugh... in a heart beat... your life can change... so love all you hate...for one day it may be gone.... and you'll have wished you could have turned that hate back in to love...

Uh...Oh...

2008-11-08T18:13:00.000-06:00

Well, my husband is away hunting... this is his annual hunting trip, he's been doing it for years...
SO.... YOU WOULD THINK I WOULD LEARN.... but anyway I was always the type of person that couldn't take no for an answer... so you ask yourself what did I do.... Well lets see... quite a few years back my sister and I attempted to paint my bedroom.... HUGE MISTAKE...LOL.... I never was good at that sort of thing... so I was told by my husband that I was to never, ever paint anything in the house again ... What??? did he say no??? LOL ... so again I attempted to try and paint again.... I tried to paint the bathroom... I mean how hard could it be right... ???I covered everything I was supposed to... bought the right paint... even bought a roller that has an extension... UGH... I failed... miserably... LOL...
Well... I got one wall done... and OMG... I think probably a five year old could have done a better job... so needless to say... I left the rest of it un-done... my husband is going to shoot me... ok, maybe he won't notice.... LOL... I hate waiting for things to get done... when I get something in my mind... I can't sit still until it's done...I am an impatient kind of person... well at least when it's me needing something done...LOL.. now keep this in mind, I am married to a man that can do just about anything... fix just about anything...(which by the way I don't get alot of new things) although, that could be a good thing... saves us a bunch of money.... But...when it comes to things I need done... I am at the bottom of his list... well...maybe, just maybe.... now he'll have to put me on the top of that list of things to get done... unfortunately, during hunting season... If I don't have 4 legs and some antlers coming out of my head... I am just sh-- out of luck....LOL.... so I'm thinking.....lets see how long it takes for him to notice... cuz... I'm sure as hell not going to point it out..... LOL..... I have a week...before he comes back... hhhmmm... wallpaper...? always an option... nah...too much work...oh well hope you all enjoy your weekend...

Kelly~

voting day...

2008-11-04T06:19:00.000-06:00

Well today is the day... everyone out choosing who they think will be the better person... voting day... my opinion, I would just as well choose to stay home... LOL...But it's my civic duty to go and exercise my right to vote... Makes you wonder what the outcome will bring.. will it bring a new beginning for this world... will it remain the same... we need change, we need something new...someone new...? We need to know what the future will bring... we need to know that our kids will be able to survive... have we gotten in too deep... can anyone bring us back... only time will tell...

Hope you all have a good day...
Kelly~

another milestone... somewhat??

2008-10-25T13:41:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow... will be my brother Michael's 50th birthday... the picture to the right was the picture taken one year ago .... and then there were 3.... missing you...

You know growing up you never think of yourself getting old... let alone living the rest of your life out without one of your siblings... at least not at 46.... our lives as children were not always the best... but we always had each other... although not always good....we went through some very rough times with each other... you know sibling rivalry... but as the three of us grew into our own ... we always had each other's back... It's hard to believe that at this time last year....Kim was doing good... and showing improvement... we thought she was on the road to recovery and had fought the beast of cancer... who would have thought that in just two months our lives would change forever... you are missed Kim, not doubt about that... Can you believe that Michael is turning 50... We love you Kim... only wish you could be here...

my sister-in-law Laurie is throwing my brother a surprise party tonight... I am pretty sure he knows something is up... but we will still have fun... my brother was the oldest ... I was the middle child and then there came Kim.... My brother and I both had a hard time losing Kim... both thinking at different times... why her.... why not us... we are older ... Kim as a child was always the rebel of the family... well not so much the rebel... but the free-spirited one.. was never afraid to do or try anything... My brother was the reckless one... always keeping my mom on her toes with his antics.. if I were to tell you how many car, motorcycle accidents he was involved in... you would be surprised that my mom was able to keep her sanity... LOL... there were a few that he was lucky to come out alive... me, I think I was the quiet one... had my moments that I am ashamed of... did things I wish I wouldn't have... would I change what I did???? No, can't say that i would... ... would I change who I was at that time... yes... most definitely...I was a mean kid... at times... but in return I myself was bullied too... it comes along with being a child... you learn from your mistakes... and today I teach my children... always remember how you feel when someone is not very nice to you... remember that feeling... you don't like the way it feels... either does someone else.... I was always more on the shy side.... always liked being in the back-ground... didn't like being center of attention... Kim was always the pretty one... me... I was the athletic one... WHAT....the hell did that mean... LOL.... I was always being told that I was fat... looking back now... I was average... try being compared to a little sister that was all of 5 feet tall and weighed maybe 103 pounds most of her teenage life... I still don't like being center of attention... still have issues with my weight... but I am secure in my life ... have come to terms... I am not fat... just Flubbery....LOL... those of you who know me love me for who I am..and love me for what is on the inside... and not on how I look on the outside.... but the most important part that I like the most... is that in the years I have grown... I am comfortable with the person who I have grown to be... I have also learned...... that I am an adult now.... and that I can be who I am and not have to worry about being judged for having my own opinion... I have learned how to stick up for myself... I don't have to be in the back-ground... I can say how I feel and show how I feel whenever I want...
You see... growing up we had to take in a lot... probably more than any child should have too... growing up we didn't have a voice...weren't aloud to have a voice... now as an adult... my VOICE is WHO I AM ....

Well here is to you my brother .... HAPPY BIRTHDAY.... I love you.... !!!!! we all do...

take care all....

Kelly~

2008-10-14T15:35:00.000-05:00

Anthony...born September 27th 2008.....

Here he is... my nephew Anthony... he's so cute. I went Saturday to go and see him.... and of course wouldn't share in holding him... He is such a good baby... and a strong one at that... he was trying to pull himself up... Kim would be so proud of you Anthony... she would have spoiled you rotten.... but no worries... he will be spoiled anyway... LOL... he was born exaclty 9 months and one day after Kim passed away...... although the up-coming holidays will be hard with Kim not being here... we are blessed to have Anthony joining our family this year.... We already love you....

whooo hoooo!!!

2008-10-13T10:41:00.000-05:00

I did it... I have figured out how to get my other journal over.... see... I'm not so blonde after all...LOL... now the big challenge is to see if I can get Kim's over... I will keep trying.... thanks all for your suggestions... and your patience...LOL... hopefully they all came over...

hope you all have a great day....

Kelly~

Kim's journal...

2008-10-12T11:25:00.000-05:00

I am not sure if I can transfer Kim's journal over... I know a lot of you still go over and visit and re-read some of her old entries... I also go back... gives me a sense of somehow keeping her spirit alive...
Unfortunately I do not know her password in order to get access to her blog... I am not even sure if that is needed... I would love to be able to transfer it over ...
as for saving it.. Mary was so kind in having it put on a CD for us... that way we can save it for when her kids are ready to go back and read about all of her life experiences... that was one of my main concerns... after she passed I wanted to make sure we could get them saved... I still have a little bit of time to be able to try and work on doing it... I know she was an AOL carrier...and do I need her screen-name in order to do this? so any help would be appreciated...
thanks... in advance...
Kelly~

just can't get this done...

2008-10-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

Well I have made it over here... but just not sure how the heck... to get my other journal over here.... I am wondering if it has something to do with not having AOL as my carrier... ya think??? I mean I have figured out how to do it.. but it keeps asking me to log into AOL using my screen name... and I DON'T HAVE ONE....LOL... but anyway.. I can always start over right? But there are a few entries I would like to save on my other one... any help would be greatly appreciated... me and computers do not go well together... I can do the simple things.. but some of the more complex things.... aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! makes me want to pull my hair out... so anyone out there... please help...

Kelly~